Can music help a relationship?
I received a very interesting query on Instagram the other day from someone who wanted to know what songs could help with their relationship.
At first, I thought it was quite an odd question, but then I realised it could be answered in many different ways. This is a rich, rarely discussed topic.
The question is not so much which songs, but what role music should play in your relationship. “Good relationship songs” are the ones to which you can both attach real emotions from shared experiences.
Everyone has different taste, but music plays a crucial role in shaping our everyday experiences. Relationships are no exception.
Chances are that you and your other half have special songs. Maybe it’s the music to which she walked down the aisle or the song to which you first kissed. Perhaps it’s less sentimental, and you share love for a track from a film that made you both laugh, or a club track that scored some amusing shenanigans on a night out.
Only you know those songs, but it’s worth hanging on to them.
Also important are the songs that shape your headspace while you’re in a relationship, as well as songs that help you process your relationship through their lyrical content.
The best relationship songs are those you discover with your partner.
Nothing fortifies a relationship like shared experiences.
In a relationship, to maximize planning and partaking in experiences, I use a little app called Shazam. Shazam can pick up on the music soundtracking any place you’re currently in and tell you the artist and the name of the song.
I like to collect all of the music I Shazamed in a certain place that my partner and I visited. There’s a lot of emotion anchored to that music and that shared experience. Playing the track will bring back to the fore the emotions you felt at the time.
If you live together, maybe you’ve fallen into a routine. It can sometimes seem easy to lose sight of what made the relationship special. When you’re going through your mortgage paperwork together, it can be a struggle to bring to mind that special night in Prague.
Pulling those experiences into everyday focus can be a great way to cement a relationship in the face of everyday routine.
I first discovered the phenomenal Ludovico Einaudi at a fashion show with my girlfriend. I Shazamed the music, and we’ve been to see him play live a number of times. It’s become our unique thing. The more unique shared experiences you have as a couple, the stronger your connection becomes.
Playlists are powerful mood setters.
When I was outside of a relationship, I used to create playlists all the time to get in a party mood. I curated a playlist of those uplifting songs that got me going and encouraged my mates to add tunes as well.
You can do this easily on any streaming platform or mp3 player. Run a tried-and-tested playlist to moderate your mood on the tube or during the rush to work. Put yourself in a positive state of mind.
We are so influenced by distractions – an anger-inducing headline makes you pick up a paper, then you see an advert, then you hear a song you didn’t ask for on the radio.
You can’t control these elements of everyday life, but you can soundtrack your day with positive music. And if you do that, you’ll be able to take a much better mood home to your partner. That does wonders for a relationship.
I take an active hand in the music I listen to because filling my head with complicated love songs about shit relationships, or songs about needing somebody, is generally not a great way to get in a headspace for enjoying my own relationship and life.
I want positive, uplifting music. It makes me feel good all the time. With this control and positive influence, it can only affect your relationships in a positive way. Plus, you can introduce her to the same music so that getting through a day with you feels great for her.
Control the atmosphere.
If you want a default playlist for getting intimate, there are great sexy playlists on SoundCloud. The “Majestic casual” playlist on Spotify also sets a great tempo and mood for having people over for drinks or even for getting intimate with your woman.
What music do you listen to? Are you depressed? It may be down to what you’re putting into your head through your ears. What you listen to and whom you put yourself around are both huge factors in your self-perception. In a relationship, it can affect how you see and value each other.
Music is a big deal and cannot be overthought.
For help finding your rhythm when talking to women, check out my 7-Day Courses at www.johnnycassell.com/exclusive-training.
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