The Key Traits That Attract Women
We’ve all experienced that bewildering moment after a date that – we thought – we smashed out the ball park, only to be met with rejection or even worse, ghosting. It can drive us crazy asking ourselves, what do women want?
Men and women have often both found themselves bewildered by the complexities of the opposite sex. The popular Tik-Tok trend doing the rounds at the minute attempts to shed some light on the topic and reveals one subject that occupies us men’s minds regularly; the Roman Empire. We’ve been rumbled, guys.
So, what do our wise Roman predecessors have to say on the subject of love and understanding each other? The poet Ovid wisely noted,
“Love is a kind of warfare.”
What’s more warlike than trying to understand what the opponent is thinking and double guessing their next move? It offers a reminder that the doubts you’re having about what women want are no more out of place than they would have been thousands of years ago.
But is deciphering the female mind truly a herculean task? Fear not, as we guide you through your own hero’s journey. Let’s demystify the secrets of what goes on inside a woman’s mind and what women truly look for in a man.
Let me start by saying that women are of course individuals with unique preferences that vary from person to person. However, there are traits that are universally attractive and if you work towards these goals, you will 100% attract more women in your life.
The main thing a woman looks for in a man is confidence. She doesn’t want the initial chase to be too easy, but women do look for signs of a healthy relationship. Have you got your life sorted out? Can you look after yourself? She doesn’t want to have to baby you. Women are often thinking about the future. Can you provide for her emotionally, as well as financially? They’re also constantly looking for red flags because let’s be honest, it could potentially save their life one day.
So with a little help from our Roman friends, let’s take a further deep dive into each of these traits and how to implement them into your own life so you can start attracting more women today.
Confidence
“Fortune favours the bold.” – Terence
Confidence is undeniably one of the most attractive qualities a man can possess. It’s the assurance in your own skin, the ability to hold your head high, and the self-belief that radiates from within.
It tells a woman you have your shit together, you know what you’re doing, and she’s in safe hands. If you’re confident and relaxed, she can relax.
Crafting confidence takes time and practice. Start with your looks. If you look good, you feel good. Next, replicate the body language of a confident man. Set achievable goals, both in your personal and professional life. Challenge yourself to step out of your comfort zone regularly. Remember that confidence isn’t about arrogance; it’s about believing in yourself and your abilities.
Let’s break it down and have a look at what we mean by saying women are attracted to confidence.
1. Be Well-Groomed
“He who can’t find time to be clean, can’t be a lover: Venus hates a dirty man.” – Ovid
We’ve said it many times before here; you don’t even need to be conventionally attractive to attract women. You just need to be well-groomed. Taking care of your appearance shows that you value yourself and respect those around you. It’s a sign of self-respect and consideration.
Women are attracted to men who take pride in their appearance because it’s a signifier as to how the man will likely behave towards them. Self-care shows you value yourself. When you value yourself, others will see value in you. This doesn’t just mean physically, but emotionally too. Take that extra time to maintain your own mental health with rest and relaxation.
It may sound obvious, but after speaking with a lot of women it’s become embarrassingly apparent that many men need a reminder; maintain good personal hygiene. If you go out smelling bad or looking like you’ve just been dragged through a hedge, women are just going to want to get away from you. Women want clean, well-groomed men.
You don’t need to be completely clean shaven, just show that you’ve thought about it. Clean up any renegade hairs and keep it looking smart. The same goes for your hairstyle. Don’t let it grow out of order. Book the next appointment while you’re still in the chair. Implement a daily skin care routine. Find a signature fragrance and one or two looks in your wardrobe that really suit your personality and body.
Dress appropriately for different occasions. A well-groomed appearance doesn’t require extravagance; it’s about presenting your best self. If in doubt, it’s always better to overdress and be the best dressed person in the room, than the person who looks like they’ve put in the least effort.
2. Independence
“Every man is the architect of his own fortune.” – Sallust
Independence consists of being self-sufficient and not relying on another person for your own fulfilment. This includes emotional independence, or not relying on another for happiness, and financial independence, or not relying on another for your monetary needs.
If a woman sees that you can’t look after yourself, she’ll know you can’t look after her. Women want to feel secure in every area of their life. If you don’t have a secure income, what is she imagining your future together to be like? If you have to ask her before you make every decision, don’t you think that’ll become tiresome?
Be the architect of your own fortune. Women are attracted to men who are self-sufficient and who know how to lead. If you can help provide in a potential future relationship with a stable job and trust your own decisions, you’re 10 times more attractive than the guy who scrounges off others and constantly needs to ask for approval. This leads us to another way of showing independence.
3. Don’t Be So Needy
“He who covets nothing is the richest of all.” – Horace
Needy behaviour can be a relationship deterrent. At first it may seem that showing you crave the other person’s attention may draw them closer to you, but in fact the opposite is true. If you call her every hour of the day and send her massive blocks of text to read, they’ll be even less likely to respond.
It’s a sign of emotional dependence and can create a sense of pressure in a relationship. Women are more attracted to men who maintain their independence and individuality.
Find a healthy balance between spending time together and maintaining your own interests and friendships. Avoid sending those endless follow-up texts and pushing for her to spend time with you. Give her the space she needs to nurture her own life.
4. Be Interesting
“The wise man speaks because he has something to say; the fool because he has to say something.” – Cicero
Ever found yourself run out of things to say in a conversation? Or maybe you talk too much on the first date and reveal everything about yourself before the entrées have even arrived.
Mystery is attractive. This is true in all walks of life. When we find ourselves glued to a good book or film, it’s usually because we’re asking ourselves – “What’s going to happen next?” This is the feeling we want to engage in women because, just like all of us, women find mystery attractive in men.
So how do you cultivate an air of mystery? Step one is to be interesting to begin with. Have things to talk about. Follow your passions and always say yes to every opportunity that comes your way. If your life feels stagnant, take the initiative for change. Always have a book on the go and stay up to date with current events. Now, on the date, don’t reveal everything at once. Play games with it. Tell them you’re a Christmas tree repairman, or a revenge broker – something so ridiculous it must be a joke. Keep them guessing, and have fun with it.
5. Don’t Brag
“Pride is the mother of all great errors.” – Cicero
Humility is a virtue when it comes to dating. While it is necessary to talk about your own life, women are attracted to men who can show that they’re listening, while not trying to outdo them in some imagined game of one-upmanship. That’s not what dating is about. It’s about finding common ground, which we’ll come to later.
Bragging can come across as self-centred and unattractive. Women appreciate men who are confident but not boastful. Women love confidence, but it’s a fine line to tread between confidence and arrogance.
Share your accomplishments and interests naturally in conversation, but avoid the urge to constantly showcase your achievements. Before speaking about yourself, ask yourself; “Does she need to know this?”, “Is it interesting or amusing in some way?” and “Is it relevant to the conversation?” If the answer to all of these questions is no, then maybe it’s best to simply reply with a reaction to what she’s just said, showing that you’re actively listening while she continues to talk about her own life and experiences. You don’t have to bring everything back round to yourself.
6. Embrace Rejection
“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.” – Marcus Aurelius
So, we’ve already established women find confidence attractive. A lack of confidence often comes from fear. In the dating world, what is the number one thing men fear? Rejection. Rejection is a natural part of dating. Don’t take it personally. Instead, view it as an opportunity to learn and grow. The right person will appreciate you for who you are. If someone rejects you, they’re the wrong person for you, and they’re just letting you know.
Once you’ve conquered this fear, you will start to see the improvement in your confidence – and so will the women in your dating life.
In order to conquer this fear, you just have to face it head on. Approach more women in the clubs, message more women on those dating apps. Instead of dreading rejection, look forward to it. The more rejections you face, the closer you’ll get to finding the right woman for you. Not only that, but you can learn from each encounter what you could do different next time. So you were rejected? Great! That’s a free lesson about dating right there.
7. Security
“The safety of the people shall be the highest law.” – Cicero
Women want security. What do I mean by that? Of course they want to feel physically safe, but women also desire a future in which their mental health and emotions won’t be under threat from external sources, especially their own partner.
Safety and security are things that women look for in a relationship. If they don’t feel safe with you, it could develop into a problem. Nobody should feel unsafe in a relationship. It’s a human right.
Making sure a woman feels safe is simple. Don’t touch her unless she’s giving you clear signals that she’s receptive. It can be harder if she’s a particularly shy girl and the rules are different if she’s a co-worker of yours. It doesn’t hurt to work out at the gym either. Knowing you’re physically fit could help her feel extra secure about herself while walking down a dark alley with you at night.
Speaking of which, be a gentleman. Walking her back to her car or her home is absolutely something you should offer to do after a date. Open doors for her and de-escalate situations before they get out of hand. Show that you’re in control of the situation.
8. Emotional Security
“No one ever served his emotions and his best interests simultaneously.” – Gaius Julius Caesar
We all need to be able to express our emotions, thoughts, and vulnerabilities without fear of rejection, judgement, or harm. If a man is emotionally intelligent he can read a woman’s emotions like a book and understand the most appropriate way to react in any situation. It relies on trust and acceptance between two parties. It’s a certain level of predictability in a relationship that allows your partner to relax and be honest.
A woman doesn’t want to live in fear of an unreasonable reaction to her genuine thoughts and feelings. A woman needs to feel free to express herself and ask questions without reprisal. If you don’t keep your emotions in check, she may feel like she can’t tell you important things. We’ll get to communication later in this article, but a breakdown in communication will inevitably force you apart.
The first thing to do in order to practice your emotional intelligence is to have a sense of self-awareness. Before you react in anger, take a breath, count to three and ask yourself if it’s completely necessary. Choose responses that are constructive and respectful, not destructive. Practice good communication at all times and sharpen your social skills.
9. Financial security
“It is a sign of a weak mind to be unable to bear wealth” – Seneca
Do you have a secure income? Do you live comfortably or are you living month by month? Financial security doesn’t mean being a billionaire, but it does mean you can provide for yourself and any loved ones that require it. This is what women want.
This isn’t for gold diggers. It’s nice to be able to treat your loved ones and share the fiscal responsibility of dating and relationships. Realistically, if a woman wants to be with you, she will start imagining your future together. What kind of future will it be if she’s the one solely carrying the financial burden of living together?
Take a look at your current financial situation. Track your income and expenses every month and identify any money sinks. Maybe it’s time for a career change. Factor dating into your budget – it can be expensive. Consider investing in a diverse portfolio for your future. With discipline and a long-term mindset, achieving financial freedom by your mid 30’s is possible.
Challenge
“Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labour does the body.” – Seneca
Sometimes, the chase can be more exciting than the catch. It’s no fun if it’s too easy. When a woman hits you with a qualifying question like “Why are you wearing that?” or “Aren’t you a little old to be wearing beanies?” this is what she’s doing. She’s offering up a challenge. It’s a test to see how you deal with problems.
Women want the same – they also appreciate a little challenge. It keeps the dating dynamic exciting and intriguing. It shows that you have standards and won’t settle for just anyone. This tells the woman you respect her and aren’t just interested in her because she has a pulse, but you like her for who she is. It piques a woman’s interest and encourages her to invest in getting to know you better.
While you want to be open and approachable, don’t reveal everything about yourself too quickly. Leave room for a sense of mystery. Be engaging but maintain an air of unpredictability. This doesn’t mean playing games but rather maintaining a sense of independence and individuality. Let’s explore how we can create that challenge.
10. Be Unavailable
“They desire what they do not have.” – Roman Proverb
Surprisingly, being less available can make you more desirable. As the Roman proverb states, we all want what we can’t have. If she knows that you’re on the end of a phone whenever she wants, she may start to lose interest.
It creates a sense of anticipation and longing. When you have your own life, interests, and goals, it makes you more captivating. It’s a reminder that you’re a catch and have a fulfilling life outside of dating. Women want a man who appears pre-selected and who will add value to their life.
Make sure you have your own hobbies and interests that you’re passionate about. Don’t tell her you’re free all week, even if you are. Make sure your life is full of your own pursuits, and that she knows that.
11. Have Female Friends
“Friendship produces between us a partnership in all our interests.” – Seneca
A green flag for many women is that he has friends of his own that are girls. Although a girl best friend can be a source of contention and jealousy for some, this entirely depends on the dynamic between the two.
It demonstrates social intelligence and the ability to relate to women on different levels. It shows that you’re comfortable around women and can engage in meaningful friendships. Women find men who respect and appreciate women as friends more attractive.
Cultivate platonic friendships with women based on mutual interests and shared values. Treat them with the same respect and kindness you’d offer your male friends. These friendships can also provide valuable insights into the female perspective.
12. Have Standards
“I would rather be first in a village than second at Rome.” – Gaius Julius Caesar
Having standards means knowing what you want and being selective about your choices. Don’t settle for less.
It communicates that you value yourself and your time. Women are drawn to men who know their worth and are discerning in their choices. By recognising your wants and holding yourself to them, you show that you have value. Women want a man with value.
Identify your core values and what you’re looking for in a partner. Write a list of your most desired traits in a partner. Don’t settle for less than what aligns with your values and goals.
13. Take It Slow
“If you have overcome your inclination and not been overcome by it, you have reason to rejoice.” – Plautus
Taking things slow in a relationship can build anticipation and strengthen the connection. Even if she’s begging to meet up for that first date, don’t give in immediately. Not only does this show that you’re a busy guy with value in your own life, but it will engage her interest even further.
It also allows for a deeper emotional bond to develop. Rushing into things may send the message that you’re more interested in the physical aspect of a relationship. You might end up scaring her off. Again, women don’t want to get something so easily.
Be patient and let the relationship unfold naturally. Focus on building emotional intimacy through meaningful conversations and shared experiences. Give the relationship the time it needs to grow, and then when interest is at its peak, you can give in to her desires and fulfil her request. This goes for each stage of the relationship.
14. Ambition and Goals
“There is no easy way from the earth to the stars.” – Seneca
Having a sense of purpose and ambition is attractive to many women. It shows that you’re driven and have direction in life. Ambition doesn’t necessarily mean being a high-powered executive; it can be pursuing personal passions and goals. It’s not just about having lofty dreams but also the willingness to work diligently toward them. It involves setting clear, achievable objectives, whether in one’s career, personal growth, or contribution to society, and actively striving to achieve them.
Ambition in a man signifies his drive and determination. We should constantly be pursuing growth and a woman wants to be imagining that your future together will be better than the present.
Make a list of all your goals in three separate columns; short term, medium term, and long term. It could be this month, in the next 6 months and the next year, or something more vague. Now break down each goal in to smaller steps. Now break down those steps. Keep doing this until you reach a step you can achieve right now.
If you’re struggling to meet your goals, whether it’s to do with dating, a lack of confidence or other personal goals, why not get in touch with a professional life coach like myself.
A Healthy Relationship
“If you want to be loved, be loveable” – Ovid
Right from the moment you start talking, women are measuring you up for the right traits. They’re searching for red and green flags so they can filter out those men that will only lead to a dead end. Whether its through qualifying questions as we mentioned earlier, or simply observing, women want to make sure that they’re not wasting their time with you.
Understanding what women want in a man is just the beginning. It takes more than attraction to build and maintain a long lasting relationship. There are other traits and abilities that women look for in a long term partner. If you remain unaware of these traits, you may find yourself rejected again and again with no discernible reason.
So let’s look at what traits women look for in a partner in order to know she can enjoy a healthy relationship with you.
15. Compatibility
“Love will come cloaked in friendship’s name,” – Ovid
You don’t have to think exactly the same way as your partner. But you do have to be compatible. In some aspects of personality, opposites attract, but in others, they clash. Just as the right jigsaw pieces have opposing edges but mesh together perfectly, so too can two different characters make a relationship work.
Women look for shared interests and overlaps in thinking that you two may have. This is partly what the first date is all about. Make a fun assumption instead of bombarding her with questions like it’s an interview. Try and understand her way of thinking. You don’t have to pretend you think the same way, but you do need to show you understand it.
Though you can’t possibly hope to share interests with absolutely every woman on earth, you can help by actively pursuing something. Read widely, meet people of all types and try everything at least once. This will at least help you understand many points of view.
You can also help matters by being honest and forthright whenever asked directly about yourself. If you reveal a deal-breaker, then you’re simply speeding up the process of elimination for the both of you. For example, if she wants kids in the future and you don’t, it’ll only create massive problems down the road if you lie about it now.
Likewise, keep in mind what you’re looking for in a woman. If she isn’t what you’re looking for, don’t be afraid to call it off.
16. Authenticity and Honesty
“Honesty is the best policy.” – Roman proverb
Authenticity and honesty are key to a successful relationship. Be yourself, and let your true personality shine through. Pretending to be someone you’re not is not a sustainable strategy. If she doesn’t like what she sees, then you’re both free to walk away and move on to the next potential partner.
Women look for authenticity in a man in order to secure their emotional safety. Not only does it bode well for conflict resolution but it provides the solid foundation for trust, without which there can be no deep connection in a relationship. .
The answer, then, is simple; be honest! Lies can often come from a fear that she might not like what she hears. As we’ve already established, if she doesn’t like the truth she’ll be doing you a favour by leaving. It can also take a lot of confidence to tell the truth unashamedly, which we already know is attractive.
17. A Sense of Humor
“Let us celebrate the occasion with wine and sweet words.” – Plautus
You don’t have to be a comedian to attract women, but a man with a good sense of humour will find himself much more attractive than one without. Woman want a man who doesn’t take himself too seriously.
A man with a good sense of humour is able to break the ice in difficult situations such as that first date and bring people together. Laughter actually releases powerful neurotransmitters such as endorphins in a woman’s brain, making her more receptive to arousal and building a connection.
First, we all need to be able to laugh at ourselves. Try to see the lighter side of interactions. If an awkward situation arises, leaving it unsaid can actually make it more awkward, so point it out and make a light hearted joke about it, showing it wasn’t that big of a deal.
For example, if she drops a piece of food onto her lap, simply smile and say something light hearted like “Don’t worry, I hear spaghetti stains are in this season,” or even drop some on yourself to even the score – this can especially work well if she was initially embarrassed, showing confidence as well as humour. Remember to be yourself and don’t try too hard to be funny. Just relax and enjoy the date!
18. Communication Skills
“Speech is the mirror of the soul; as a man speaks, so is he.” – Publilius Syrus
Effective communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. Women want men who can express themselves, listen actively, and engage in meaningful conversations. Women aren’t mind readers. Some men may be surprised to hear this, but you actually have to tell them things sometimes!
Being a good communicator shows that you’re genuinely interested in getting to know her and is another good sign for conflict resolution. Women don’t want to be in a relationship where they have to second guess your thoughts and feelings.
Many people express their love and expect love to be expressed to them in different ways. These are called love languages and understanding them will help you understand what women want. For example, maybe you prefer to express your love through gift-giving, but your date expects to receive love through words of affirmation. Though both your hearts are in the right place and you both love each other, each person may seem like the opposite is true. Understanding each other’s love language will help avoid any fatal misunderstandings.
19. Respect and Kindness
“Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.” – Cicero
Treating women with respect and kindness should go without saying, but it’s worth emphasising. Respect her boundaries, opinions, and feelings. It’s crucial to listen and communicate effectively, and never belittle or dismiss her. Simple acts of kindness can leave a lasting impression. Don’t treat her a as a piece of meat or trophy to be won.
Respect and kindness are basic human rights that we should all be offering to each other. If you don’t treat women with respect, you don’t deserve to be in a relationship. We all deserve to be treated equally.
Many women appreciate romantic gestures such as gifts of flowers, a romantic goodnight text, or a surprise night in. These gestures have the most impact when aligned with your partners love language, as discussed previously. Together with respect, this can foster a positive relationship based on trust and understanding.
Support
“Deeds, not words.” – Gaius Julius Caesar
Supporting your partner can come in the form of being there for them emotionally, mentally, and even physically when needed. Support involves offering a shoulder to lean on during tough times, celebrating successes together, and fostering an environment where both individuals feel safe and encouraged to pursue their dreams and aspirations.
Women want a man who will support their passions and goals. For most, it’s a fundamental desire. It’s not just about someone who offers material or financial assistance, but someone who truly understands and values their goals, emotions, and well-being.
Supporting your partner involves many things we’ve talked about already, such as active listening and respect. Ask open-ended questions to understand their feelings and concerns better, and offer words of encouragement and affirmation. Demonstrate your support through actions, such as helping them achieve their goals, sharing responsibilities, and being a reliable source of emotional comfort.
Final Thoughts
Understanding women can feel like a Sisyphean task at times, but I hope now, with a little help from our wise Roman predecessors, you’ve come to learn the key traits that attract women to men. While women have unique preferences, there are universally attractive traits that you can work towards to attract more women. As long as you live your life with confidence, provide a stimulating mental challenge and know how to conduct a healthy relationship, you will be three times more attractive than you would have been otherwise.
It’s about being interesting and respectful. It’s about effective communication, ambition, and a good sense of humor. Appealing to these traits involves a combination of self-awareness, independence and respect – all conducted by your own authenticity. Don’t change the fundamentals of who you are for all the wrong reasons. Stay true to yourself and don’t lose sight of your goals. By embracing these qualities and seeking continuous self-improvement, you can become the man women pursue.
If you want to improve your success with women even further, look no further than one of my coaching courses. I’ve worked with countless men just like you for over a decade, transforming their dating lives and finding fulfilling relationships – we’ve even had marriages as a direct result of my course!
If you’re looking for personalized coaching sessions, guidance on building confidence, effective communication strategies, and more insights into what women truly want, then contact us today to learn more about how we can help you achieve your dating and relationship goals.
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