When I was working for my family, I took on the role of generating new business. I had my own little office and van.
Every week I would hit industrial estate after industrial estate. I would experience conversation with everyone; both the grafters on the workshop floor, inhaling all of those dirty welding fumes and metal fibres, and the guys upstairs in the plush offices who would sign off my order forms.
This exposure and diversity has became a key element in my ability to understand people from different levels of income and walks of life. Being sure to acknowledge everyone in the company, as you never know who could be potentially blocking your order further down the supply chain.
If you acknowledge everyone from the guy on the workshop floor to the guy signing the check, you put yourself in a far greater position than simply going for the quick close.
Think about how that same school of thought plays into the world of social dynamics. Think about that time you may have moved too fast in making moves on the person to whom you were attracted without acknowledging their friends or associates.
What are their friends going to say about you when you leave? Are they going to block your deal?
The more you include others, the higher their regard of you will be.
I learned how to find my mojo on the phone and overcome procrastination
I so clearly remember sitting at my desk and writing down a ‘hit list’. This list was compiled of potential prospects in one area that I planned on visiting at some point in the week. I had no rapport with them at all – I had to use my charm to call ahead and strum up an appointment for when I was in the area.
When you first make a cold call, you spend the first hour or so staring at the phone procrastinating. Is this starting to sound similar to other areas of your life?
Of course it does. You can translate this feeling into hesitating before that first approach in the bar or umming and aahing about calling a girl you like.
What I learned, however, is that after one call, two calls, then three calls, I found myself. I loosened up, relaxed, and was able to bring across my personality as opposed to following some sort of script.
It’s always going to take three approaches/phone calls to find yourself. Don’t put all your energy and focus on that first one.
The best time to pick up the phone is just after you’ve closed the last deal, because whatever you were doing in that moment is just working. You’ll also still be in state and feeling great about yourself.
Nothing happens during procrastination.
What knocking on doors taught me about rejection
When it came to sales, I was persistent. My father always taught me to keep popping my head in the door even if you don’t get an order, because one day, when you identify a need, you are more likely to get the order than someone else.
The digital version of this would be a newsletter you subscribe to that keeps appearing in your inbox every week. You may not need that service or product for months or years but then, one day, that need becomes so strong that you open that email and click through or pick up the phone and place that order.
During my coaching career, my colleagues and associates have called me the ‘master of the long game’. I suppose what I am sharing with you now is one of the principles of long-game dating: Combining patience with persistence.
Whenever my approach didn’t go my way, I would always self-analyse and ask myself why. What was in the equation or missing in the equation that worked against me? I would always self-assess and improve on my actions.
The same is true when trying to develop yourself and attract women that you genuinely desire.
It’s always those three questions:
What did I do?
What went well?
What will I do better next time?
It’s important to experience rejection although in one of my most recent talks I argue how rejection cant possibly exist if you go into the situation with the understanding and perspective of already knowing what you want as opposed to turning up and hoping to be accepted.
OLD MINDSET: It’s a numbers game: Approach, approach, and approach until something sticks.
NEW MINDSET: Have a clear image of what you want when you approach a situation, and see if your values align.
The first mindset might be a great place to start when you’re trying to bring down your resistance to the idea of making an approach. Your earlier years might look a lot like that.
Those further along their journey to core confidence and self-worth should approach things with the second mindset. At this point, you become a master closer with precision, finesse, and nuance.
This is highly evident in my own relationship history. When I was starting out, I had a scattergun approach. Later on, I started to hone in on what I truly wanted from relationships based on my experience from dating.
I would literally show my friend an image of a girl to whom I felt attracted and tell him “She’s going to be my girlfriend in two months’ time.” I’d put my mind to it and make it so.
I had never met her prior to showing him that picture. That moment then developed into a fruitful and enriching four-year relationship.
The conclusion here is simple: You’ve got to knock on a whole bunch of doors to know what you really want. When you do get to that stage, you’ll find it supremely empowering. You’ll get to be discerning when it comes to women. You’ll be able to turn girls down.
This growth in itself generates further attraction. The selectiveness you demonstrate will, in turn, show that you’re in a position to do so, generating intrigue in the women around you.
I learned how to build a customer base from scratch
The aspect of sales I love is the idea that you can never quite exhaust all opportunities. I had to develop new relationships from thin air amidst fierce competition.
What you must do is put yourself in a system or create an operation that generates these leads.
Everyone has a different process: Some identify a need in a particular location and expand outwards. Others build on the relationships they have and try to upsell.
Most often, a delicate balance of both is required; enough to stimulate growth but not so much that you lose sight of the original relationships.
I also learned that referrals are great if you can get them, and you should never be afraid to ask for one. In fact, it’s a great way to build up the pipeline. You’re generating warm leads with a pre-guarantee of quality attached to your name.
When you come out of a relationship everything is new; exciting, sure, but with a steep road ahead. You have nothing in the pipeline and may even resort to tapping up old leads, or exes, for some… repeat business, shall we say.
I hope you are beginning to imagine what your dating life could potentially look like as you start to expand your thinking more laterally.