Here’s the bottom line: the more you try and PULL a woman towards you, the further you’ll end up pushing her away. Instead, you have to let them WANT to come to you. This is the art of attraction.
SO WHAT DOES ATTRACTION CONSIST OF?
Two things:
HOPE & DOUBT
As humans, if there is no hope for a certain outcome, we won’t waste our time trying to pursue it. But at the same time, if it’s too easy, the prospect becomes unattractive. Have you ever noticed how the more needy someone is, the less we want to be around them, but the less available someone is, the more we want them? This is how attraction works.
So how do we create hope? Well if you’re nothing but a nice guy throughout the conversation, you will end up stuck in the friend-zone. Don’t get me wrong, you could be a woman’s best friend, but she will still never consider a relationship with you. So how can attraction grow into something more? The missing ingredient is escalation. This is how you show her there’s hope for an exciting, fulfilling relationship – whether it lasts 6 years or 6 hours.
So how do we create escalation? Here are several techniques that will escalate the sexual chemistry from inert to highly reactive!
- Eye Contact: Most flirting is done with your eyes. When you first spot a woman you find attractive, make eye contact for no more than 3 seconds. Any less and it will look like an accident. Any more and it becomes aggressive.While in conversation with her, keep good eye contact. It shows two things; that you’re listening, and that you’re confident. Both of these are attractive traits.Another little trick is the following; First, match your eyes with hers while in conversation, as if to say ‘follow my eyes’, and then slowly take your eye contact to one of her erogenous zones, such as her neck. If she sees you looking, it will actually stimulate those areas! This is especially effective when looking at her lips. I call this ‘triangulating the gaze’, and it communicates to her that you’re thinking of kissing her. And if you find her looking at your own lips, guess what she’s thinking of!
- Match her energy: If she’s sitting in the corner watching the world go by with a casual drink, you don’t want to come right at her shouting and trying to get her up. This is just going to push her away. Likewise, if she’s really going for it on the dance floor, you don’t want to walk up to her acting too cool for the scene. She’s won’t even notice you! Just as we often want to listen to a song that matches our mood and energy levels, we usually prefer speaking to someone that does the same.That being said, you should always try and approach with a slightly enhanced level of energy. If she’s sitting there at a ‘4’, approach at a ‘5’. This raises the energy of interaction and leaves her more energised than before she met you.
- Mirroring: Similar to matching her energy levels, you can actually start subtely mimicking her movements. For example, if she’s sitting with one leg resting over her knee and tapping her foot in the air at a certain rhythm, you can start tapping your finger in the same rhythm.You can even just imitate those movements like-for-like if it’s not obvious.
- Tone of Voice: Lowering your volume a little will pull her in closer. Closing this gap between you physically will also do the same emotionally. She’s making the choice to get closer to you. Just be sure you don’t mumble, or you will lose her interest!
- Be Playful. If you go out on a night out expecting to get laid, what do you think that does to your mindset? With too much expectation, it can put too much pressure on you. You might try too hard and end up pushing women away. You will come off as needy, and what have we said about needy people?Instead, when you go out, tell yourself this; ‘I’m going out tonight to meet fun and interesting people.’ When you’re talking to a woman, ask yourself, ‘What else can I find out about her?’ and ‘What’s the most fun we can have in this conversation?’This way, you keep things light and positive, with no pressure on the outcome. Conversely, this will actually lead to you getting laid a lot more!
- Touch: Start with just a tap on the back at the punchline of a joke. As you get more comfortable with each other, leave your hand on her arm as you laugh at her jokes, and eventually get more and more bold.This gets her used to your touch and escalates the tension between you. As you casually touch her more and more, she may start to wonder where it will lead. If she starts to reciprocate, then take that as a positive sign.
- Be Bold: Most guys shy away from the hard hitting or more personal topics you could ask a woman. This is exactly why you should do it! Ask her favourite sexual position, framed as an assumption; “You look like you know how to dominate in the bedroom.” What’s the worst that can happen? You’re bound to at least get a laugh. If said with a cheeky smile and at the right time, you can get away with pretty much anything!This shows confidence and makes you stand out from the crowd. You’ll show you’re not just another guy too scared to mention sex in front of a woman they like. It also now associates you and sex. Just by talking about it, she’s going to start imagining doing it with you.
These are some of the key ways you can escalate things from just being a nice friend that woman has made tonight, to a potential romantic or sexual partner.
Now, remember when we talked about someone being less available making them more attractive? That’s why it’s ALWAYS important to remain a challenge when it comes to the dating game. If you’re too easy, you’re going to die alone.
HERE ARE SIX WAYS YOU CAN CREATE A CHALLENGE RIGHT NOW!
- Time constraint: Right at the beginning of the interaction, you can preface it by saying you’ve just got to meet a friend in a minute, or you’re actually on your way out of the club. Anything at all that can give you an ‘out’ at any point in the conversation.This instantly makes you less available, making you more attractive. It also puts less pressure on the situation from the start. Whereas before she may be thinking ‘Oh great, how long am I going to be stuck with this guy?’ now she knows you’re only there for a short time and can relax.
- Stop mirroring her: Once you’ve built a sense of rapport with the woman by mirroring her movements, you can now stop for a while. This creates that doubt. ‘Did I do something wrong?’ As we’ll see later with eye contact, this will begin a game of give and take, where she will miss the rapport that you’ve spent time building and actually work to gain it back. Just as you can express attraction through body language, you can also create doubt. Just make sure to give some back to her, or she may misinterpret the sudden coldness to mean you’ve completely lost interest.
- Qualifying Questions: Women do this all the time to challenge us. You might hear something that sounds like an insult, but what they’re really doing is see how you respond to challenges. If you can respond with something witty and a laugh without getting offended or angry, you pass the test!So, let’s do the same. Ask her where she got those shoes from, because you’ve seen a lot of women wearing the same ones.
- Don’t tell her you like her: It’s implied by the fact that you’ve come over to her and started speaking to her anyway, but keeping it unsaid leaves a bit of mystery. We all love a bit of mystery to solve. This is the underlying game behind these kind of interactions. Does he like me? Do I like him? Once it’s out in the open, the game is over.Subtlety is an attractive trait. It shows you’re in control of your emotions and don’t let your base desires rule you.
- Break eye contact: As before, you can say a lot with your eyes. Once you’ve built up the tension with your eyes, start to look away for a few seconds at a time. Look at the door, the bar, or other people. She will crave having that eye contact back again. And after a while, you give it to her. But then break it again. This gives the impression that she has to work for your attention. We’ve flipped the situation around on its head. You were the one looking to gain her affection, but now she will try and keep yours.
- Leave: It’s important to leave conversation at just the right moment. You can’t let things get boring and fall into the yawn zone. Just when the energy and positivity is at its peak, when the attraction is at its strongest, that’s when you refer back to that time constraint and leave.Why is this? The last memory of yourself that you leave someone will be the one they remember the most. Even if it was a pretty good interaction but then it petered out towards the end and got boring before you left, which part do you think they’ll remember most?It’s also a good opportunity to close with her number. She’s still smiling and enjoying the conversation, and you’re now going so it’s the only way you can stay in touch.
I hope that with these tips you can start to master the art of attraction, balancing that fine line between hope and doubt. All it takes is to improve just 1% each day. Little steps lead to big changes. If you require further advice on dating, lifestyle, and a whole host of other topics, check out the wealth of articles available on my website.