Alex Philips: Joining me in the studio is elite dating and men’s lifestyle strategist, Johnny Cassell. Johnny, thank you so much for being here. You know, on this show, people accuse me of often having a very women-focused bent.
So, let’s talk about men. It’s really not easy for them out there because women, you know, we have a sort of height restriction when it comes to being able to get on a particular roller coaster. And I read somewhere that we also have this propensity to only select men from a very, very top tier financially of certain careers.
I mean, are there cohorts of men out there going, why does nobody want to be with me?
Johnny Cassell: There is that. You know, we just spoke to one of the guests there about the online dating platforms. We can identify that is one path of meeting people.
But I think nothing really is better than actually meeting someone in person where someone could actually overlook the superficial qualities, they thought they were drawn towards and overrided certain things. And it just gives you the opportunity to shine and to show your real good character.
Alex Philips: And how do you, I mean, what would you sort of say to people that you give life advice to in this department? Do you say to them, get off the apps, they’re destructive, they’re distracting.
It’s going to be a cycle of constant objectification, rejection. Or do you say, no, this is actually potentially a good medium to use but just adapt the way you’re using it.
Johnny Cassell: Absolutely. The apps are a fantastic opportunity to meet new people that are completely out of your proximity on your normal day-to-day life. They get a lot of slack for the hookup culture. The hookup culture has always existed.
The technology just gives you better access to it. So, we have to acknowledge there is a great path to it. I think people struggle with not knowing what they want before they get on them, get frustrated that they’re meeting people that aren’t meeting their needs, and therefore just go, oh, everyone’s just in for a hookup.
So, spend the time offline actually working on what are those qualities that I’m looking for. And most of these apps have features now that incorporate video, which gives you a bit of reassurance of who you’re actually going to be meeting when they turn up, which is something that I was often advised on before that those features were incorporated, WhatsApp video or Skype. You can actually see someone, so they actually are physically.
They’re saying they are, right? But as well, what I advise a lot of people to do is build a lifestyle that is just constantly giving you opportunity. That’s the trick. Look to do more social versions of the things that you already enjoy doing.
Alex Philips: So actually, get out of your house, get off your phone. If you’re interested in this activity, go join a club relating to it.
Johnny Cassell: Absolutely. I speak to clients, I go, do you have a personal trainer? Do you train? I go, yes, I’ve got a personal trainer. I go, okay, well, what would be the more social version of that? And then we brainstorm, and we actually come up with, there is a class version of the exercises that I like to do. And again, that’s an opportunity to meet new people.
So we just got to get a better return on our time. We all have the same time on a day-to-day basis. What are we doing with it? Let’s look at it and let’s just move some things around.
Alex Philips: And what is the impact? Because I often talk about the impact of objectification on women. And it’s quite clear to me what those things are. Women are in a constant battle; they’re getting fillers put in their lips and all sorts of cosmetic treatments.
And I think increasingly today, position themselves as highly sexualized objects. This tends to be what the dating apps and Instagram culture demands, which ironically might not even be what men are looking for. What are the pressures on men when it comes to trying to find a mate?
Johnny Cassell: Well, first of all, what I can acknowledge is the pressures, the gay community, for example.
If you look at a gay person, they go on their apps, they have got a lot of pressure to look a certain way, aesthetics. Same with straight people. We’re faced with looking at muscle magazines and we actually think that is the ideal version of a man that women are looking for.
Of course, we learn it’s absolutely false. But the pressure on society is telling us that. Therefore, we either get really committed to the gym or we don’t, and we feel depressed and we feel frustrated and perhaps we have some mental health issues that we need to look at there.
So, yeah, there is pressure. I’m glad we’re talking about it on men because it’s actually an overlooked subject.
Alex Philips: Massively, yeah.
Johnny Cassell: We know the women to be certainly, that’d be a talking point. And I think there should be a lot more education from people that work in the media, people that are working in cosmetic advertising. I’ve literally walked into a room where someone’s chopped off a girl’s head and put it on the body of another image because it looks slightly better.
Women just need to see that, that this is actually going on behind the scenes and we are creating an unrealistic expectation of how one should look.
Alex Philips: Yeah, I couldn’t agree more. Johnny, it’s been lovely talking to you.
We’re going to do a big programme about men in the near future, so we’ll have you back on for that. I think there’s a lot more for us to discuss.
Johnny Cassell: All right, guys.
I just want to take two seconds here to talk about what I actually do, right, and the whole reason for this channel. I’ve been a dating expert for over 16 years now. I’ve been helping people with their social life, their dating life.
I can literally help you get a girlfriend or improve your lifestyle all within 30 days. So, if that’s something that interests you, head on over to my website, johnnycassell.com. You can join my community. You can apply to be on one of my workshops here in London and finally get this area of your life sorted.
Check it out.